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This is who I am now.

It’s funny how some of us think we’ve got life figured out. Is caring about everything the way to life or not giving a damn is? When you care about what everyone around you has to say about you, you’re miserable and when you stop caring about it all, you’re just lost. You don’t know whether you’re happy or sad or content cuz you’re doing whatever you want but mostly you’re just not saying NO to being anybody’s side dish. You’re just going along with everything to the point of not knowing what you want actually. Just an accessory in everybody’s life. Are you important? No idea. Do you care? Nope. Then what’s fucking incomplete? Why are you still drowning? There seem to be more hands now to come to save you but you don’t trust that they’ll actually pull you out. And that’s great cuz you’re not looking to be rescued by anybody right now. Then why aren’t you okay? Why the deafening silence? The silence is so loud that you can’t hear anything. All you hear are the disgusting thoughts about you being a failure when actually you’re not. You’re just standing still and not moving anywhere cuz you don’t have the energy to. Nothing is exciting anymore. It’s all the same. Everything comes to an end anyway. Why prolong the end when it’s inevitable anyway? Cuz the sun rises everyday to begin a new start. I’ve stopped believing that there’s more to life than the mundane activities we do everyday. Like some lucky people who actually see a purpose in life and wake up everyday with a sense of wanting to do something new though it’s not really gonna make a huge difference. Good for them. But see, I don’t want that. What I want is to live each day like it’s just another day without any bullshit interrupting my peace of mind. I think I’m fine..

By hopelesslyflawed

Heteroclite in search of chill

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